Losing a child
Losing a child is one of the most painful experiences a person can go through.
It can feel completely devastating. Alongside grieving for your child, you may also be grieving for the future you imagined together – milestones, routines and everyday moments that now feel painfully absent.
Grief doesn’t follow a set path, and there’s no timetable for how long it takes.
How grief might feel
Grief after losing a child can bring many intense emotions, including:
- deep sadness or despair
- anger or frustration
- shock or disbelief
- guilt or self-blame
- emotional numbness
- thoughts like “if only…”
Feelings may come in waves, shift over time, or feel unpredictable. These reactions are common after a loss like this.
Grieving as a family
If you have a partner, you may notice that you grieve in different ways. Some people want to talk, while others keep busy or withdraw. This can place strain on relationships, even when there is care and love.
Parents with other children may feel pressure to keep daily life going. Children of all ages can sense that something has changed, even if they don’t fully understand what has happened.
Being honest, using age-appropriate language, and reassuring children that it’s okay to feel sad, angry or confused can help. Some children may also need reassurance that they are not to blame.
Feeling numb
Some parents describe feeling emotionally numb, especially in the months after their loss.
This can be a way of protecting yourself from pain that feels too much to manage. For many people, feelings gradually return over time.
Anxiety and trauma responses
Many parents experience anxiety after losing a child. This might include:
- constant worry about other children
- feeling on edge or over-alert
- physical symptoms such as a racing heart, dizziness or tense muscles
Some parents may also experience trauma-related symptoms, such as nightmares, flashbacks or sudden mood changes, particularly if the death was sudden or distressing.
Support is available if these feelings become overwhelming.
Feeling isolated
It’s common to feel isolated after losing a child.
Friends or family may not know what to say, or may avoid the subject altogether.
Many people find it helps to talk to others who have experienced child loss.
Work and everyday life
Returning to work can feel very different for different people.
Some parents find work offers structure or distraction. Others may find the idea of returning unbearable. You may want to check your workplace’s bereavement policy and think about what feels manageable for you.
Finding support
You do not have to go through this alone.
The MindWell Directory includes local and national support for parents who have lost a child, including:
- specialist child bereavement organisations
- peer support groups
- counselling and helplines
Support can be there whenever you feel ready to reach out.