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Losing a child, at any age, can affect every part of your life. Alongside grieving for your child, you may also be grieving for the future you imagined together and all the experiences you expected to share.
There is no right or wrong way to grieve, and no set time for how long grief lasts. Your feelings may change from day to day, and you may need different kinds of support at different times.
This page looks at some of the ways losing a child can affect you, things that might help and where to find support.
If you’ve experienced a miscarriage, stillbirth or the death of a baby, you may also find our information about losing a baby or child helpful.
Looking for support?
If you’ve lost a child, there are specialist organisations that can offer support, including people who have been through a similar experience. You don’t need to wait until you’re struggling to ask for help.
How you might feel
Losing a child can bring many different feelings. You might experience intense sadness, anger, guilt, disbelief or a sense of emptiness. You may feel numb or find it hard to take in what has happened.
These feelings can come and go, sometimes without warning. You might find that you can manage everyday activities one day but struggle with them the next.
You may also experience:
- Guilt or self-blame. You might find yourself going over what happened or wondering whether you could have done something differently. These thoughts can be particularly difficult if your child’s death was sudden or unexpected.
- Anxiety or fear. You may find yourself worrying more about the safety of other people you love, feeling on edge or finding it hard to relax.
- Difficulty concentrating or sleeping. Grief can affect your energy, memory, appetite and ability to manage everyday tasks.
- Feeling isolated. You might feel that other people don’t understand what you’re going through or find it difficult to be around friends and family, particularly those with children.
You may also have periods when you feel happy, laugh or enjoy something. This doesn’t mean you’ve forgotten your child or that your grief is any less important.
Grief can affect people in different ways. Read more about bereavement and loss.
Ways to look after yourself
When you’re grieving, even simple things can feel difficult. You may not have the energy to do the things you usually enjoy or to spend time with other people.
Try to be gentle with yourself and focus on what feels manageable. Some things that might help include:
- Take things one day at a time. You don’t have to make big decisions or work out how you’ll manage everything in the future. Focus on what you need today.
- Accept practical help. Friends and family may want to help but not know what to do. You could ask someone to prepare a meal, help with shopping, look after other children or deal with everyday tasks.
- Talk to someone you trust. You may want to talk about your child, share memories or explain how you’re feeling. You might also prefer to spend time with someone without having to talk about your grief.
- Look after your basic needs. Eating regularly, getting some rest and spending a little time outside may help you manage the physical effects of grief.
- Give yourself permission to take a break. Watching a film, meeting a friend or doing something you enjoy doesn’t mean you’re leaving your child behind.
You don’t have to do any of these things before you’re ready. What helps one person may not feel right for someone else.
Some people find it helpful to speak to other parents who have lost a child. Specialist bereavement organisations offer opportunities to talk to people who understand some of what you’re experiencing.
Grieving with family and friends
Losing a child can affect relationships with partners, family members and friends.
If you have a partner, you may find that you grieve in different ways. One of you might want to talk about your child often, while the other prefers to keep busy or spend time alone. You may also need different kinds of support at different times.
These differences can sometimes lead to misunderstandings or make you feel alone in your grief. It may help to talk about what you both need, while recognising that you won’t always feel the same way.
You might also find that friends or family don’t know what to say. Some people may avoid talking about your child because they’re worried about upsetting you. If you feel able to, you could let them know whether you’d like them to talk about your child, ask how you’re doing or simply spend time with you.
Supporting other children
If you have other children, you may be trying to support them while dealing with your own grief.
Children can experience grief in different ways depending on their age and understanding. They may feel sad, angry or confused, or seem to move between being upset and playing as usual.
It can help to talk openly about what has happened, using clear, age-appropriate language. Reassure children that they’re not to blame and that it’s okay to talk about their brother or sister.
You don’t have to hide your own sadness, but it’s important that you have support from other adults too.
Read our guidance on how to support a child or young person who is grieving.
Remembering your child and adjusting to everyday life
Your relationship with your child doesn’t end when they die. Many parents find it important to keep their child’s memory alive and find ways to feel connected to them.
You might want to talk about your child, look at photographs, keep treasured possessions or do something special in their memory. You may want to mark their birthday or other important dates.
There is no particular way you need to remember your child. You might find some things comforting at certain times and too painful at others.
Birthdays, anniversaries and other important dates
Birthdays, anniversaries, holidays and family celebrations can be particularly difficult. You may also find it painful to see your child’s friends reaching milestones or having experiences you imagined sharing with your child.
It may help to think ahead about what you’d like to do on these occasions. You might want to spend time with family, make plans to remember your child or keep the day quiet.
It’s also okay to change your plans or decide on the day what feels right.
Returning to work and everyday activities
Returning to work or your usual activities can feel difficult. Some people find that having a routine helps, while others need more time or changes to their working arrangements.
If you’re employed, you could speak to your manager about what support is available, including bereavement leave, flexible working or a gradual return.
If your child died before they turned 18, you may be entitled to statutory parental bereavement leave and pay. Find out more on GOV.UK.
Try not to put pressure on yourself to return to your usual routines before you feel able to.
Finding support
You don’t have to manage your grief on your own. There are organisations that offer specialist support to parents, carers and families who have lost a child, whether recently or many years ago.
You might find it helpful to speak to a bereavement counsellor, talk to other parents who have been through a similar experience or simply have someone to listen.
Some places to start include:
- Child Bereavement UK – offers free, confidential support to anyone affected by the death of a child of any age. It also provides support for bereaved families in Leeds.
- The Compassionate Friends – offers support for bereaved parents and their families, including a helpline and peer support.
- Child Death Helpline – provides telephone support to anyone affected by the death of a child of any age.
- Martin House Children’s Hospice – offers free, confidential bereavement support to families following the death of their child, including individual support, groups and remembrance days.
Find more support in the MindWell Directory
This includes services for people who have experienced miscarriage, stillbirth or the death of a baby, as well as support for families who have lost an older child.
When to speak to your GP
Grief is a natural response to losing someone you love. However, it can sometimes affect your mental and physical health.
If you’re finding it difficult to cope, experiencing distressing memories or feeling persistently anxious or low, you can speak to your GP. They can listen to how you’re feeling and help you explore what support might be right for you.
You don’t need to wait for a certain amount of time after your child’s death to ask for help.
If you need urgent help
If you’re feeling unable to cope, feeling unsafe or need urgent mental health support, call NHS 111 and select the mental health option. This is available 24 hours a day.
If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 999 or go to A&E.
Last updated: September 2026