When an urge to self-harm appears, it can feel overwhelming and difficult to manage.

Although urges can be very intense, they often pass if you can find ways to get through the moment safely. The ideas below are techniques some people use to cope with urges and reduce the risk of harming themselves.

Different approaches work for different people, so it may take some trial and error to find what helps you.

If you’ve been keeping a self-harm diary, you might begin to notice patterns or early signs that an urge is building. If self-harm has become a way of coping for you, changing this pattern can take time and support.

Delay the urge

One technique that can help is delaying the urge.

You might try:

  • waiting 10 minutes before acting on the urge
  • then waiting another 10 minutes
  • gradually increasing the time

Sometimes urges pass or become easier to manage after a short delay.

Distract yourself

Doing something different can help your mind and body move through the urge.

You could try:

  • calling or messaging someone you trust
  • watching a TV show or listening to music
  • playing a game on your phone
  • doing a puzzle or craft activity
  • tidying, cooking, or doing another small task
  • going for a walk

Release strong emotions safely

If you feel intense anger, frustration or sadness, some people find it helps to release that energy in other ways.

You might try:

  • running, walking or exercising
  • dancing to music
  • tearing paper or cardboard
  • punching a pillow or cushion
  • shouting or singing loudly

Ground yourself in the present moment

If you feel numb, disconnected or overwhelmed, grounding techniques can help bring your attention back to the present.

You could try:

  • holding ice cubes
  • focusing on breathing more slowly
  • taking a cold or warm shower
  • noticing things around you using your senses

For example, try naming:

  • five things you can see
  • four things you can touch
  • three things you can hear

Be kind to yourself

Self-harm is often connected to very painful feelings.

Doing something gentle or comforting can sometimes help when emotions feel intense.

You could try:

  • wrapping yourself in a blanket
  • drinking a warm drink
  • spending time with a pet
  • writing down your thoughts
  • drawing or being creative

Create a toolbox of positive thoughts

Creating a ‘toolbox’ can help boost your mood whenever you find yourself feeling low or anxious.

  • Make lists of things you like about yourself, successes, things you are grateful for, good experiences and compliments.
  • Come up with a list of things that you can do for a quick mood boost – a walk in nature, playing with a pet, or a craft activity.
  • Include some upbeat music, a funny movie, a favourite book and photographs that make you feel happy.
  • Write a note to remind yourself that how you’re feeling now will pass.

Download as a pdf:

Ways of managing an urge to self-harm

Download pdf (401 KB) View as a web page

Try quick self-help

If you’re feeling very anxious and overwhelmed these quick simple self-help techniques can help you to cope and feel calmer.