When an urge to self-harm appears, it can feel very strong and difficult to cope with. 

This page shares practical ideas that may help you get through the next few minutes more safely. You do not have to try everything. It can help to choose one or two ideas that feel manageable and keep a reminder of how to do them somewhere easy to find, for example, a note in your phone or on your fridge.

Different things work for different people, and it can take time to find what helps. 

If you have been keeping a self-harm diary, you may already be starting to notice signs that an urge is building. 

If you need to delay the urge

Sometimes the goal is simply to get through the next few minutes safely. 

You could try:

  • delay acting on the urge by doing something else, even for a short while
  • moving to another room or place where you feel safer 
  • putting some distance between yourself and anything you might use to self-harm
  • reminding yourself, “I only need to get through this moment.”

If the urge is still there afterwards, you could try waiting a  little longer. If it starts to feel stronger or harder to manage, try something different or reach out for support. [H2] If you need to release strong feelings

Some people self-harm because their feelings feel too overwhelming or difficult to hold inside. 

You could try:

  • walking quickly, running or doing another physical activity
  • tearing up paper or cardboard
  • squeezing a towel, cushion or stress ball
  • shouting or singing into a pillow
  • writing down exactly how you feel, without worrying about spelling or making sense

The aim is not to feel calm straight away. It is about helping some of that intensity settle – not disappear, but become a little easier to bear.

If you feel numb or disconnected

Some urges happen when you feel numb, unreal or disconnected from yourself or the world around you.

Grounding techniques can sometimes help bring your attention back to the present moment. 

You could try:

  • pressing your feet firmly into the floor
  • noticing five things you can see around you
  • focusing on one sound nearby
  • wrapping yourself in a blanket or holding something with texture
  • stroking a pet, or dancing to music

You might also try slowly naming:

  • five things you can see
  • four things you can touch
  • three things you can hear
  • two things you can smell
  • one thing you can taste

If this feels too difficult, just naming one or two things you can see is still a good start.

If you need comfort or care

Sometimes urges can grow stronger when you feel lonely, ashamed, frightened or exhausted.

Small acts of care may not make everything better, but they can help you feel a little safer and more supported.

You could try:

  • making a warm drink
  • resting somewhere comfortable
  • watching or listening to something familiar
  • spending time with a pet
  • wrapping yourself in a blanket or wearing a comfortable hoodie
  • listening to calming music or background noise

Try to choose something that feels comforting and familiar, rather than something you feel you “should” do. 

If you need distraction or connection

Doing something different can help you get through the strongest part of an urge.

You could try:

  • messaging someone you trust
  • sitting near another person, even if you do not talk 
  • going somewhere public where you feel safer
  • playing a simple game on your phone
  • doing a puzzle, crafts or colouring
  • watching a familiar or engaging TV programme

If talking feels too difficult, you could send a short message such as: “I’m having a difficult moment. Could you stay in touch with me for a bit?”

You may also find some of our quick self-help techniques helpful for managing stress, overwhelm or difficult emotions. 

If urges keep coming back

If self-harm has become one of your main ways of coping, changing this pattern can take time and support.

You may find it helpful to look at:

You do not have to manage this on your own.

Last reviewed: August 2026