Understanding your urges to self-harm

Self-harm often happens when feelings become very intense or difficult to cope with. At these times, urges can feel strong and hard to ignore. 

Many people notice that urges rise and fall. Even when they feel overwhelming, their intensity can change or pass. 

Learning more about your urges can help you understand what is happening and notice when an urge starts to build. 

Noticing patterns and triggers

Some feelings, thoughts, situations or memories may make urges to self-harm feel stronger. These are sometimes called triggers.

Everyone’s triggers are different. They may be linked to things happening now, past experiences, or feelings that have been building up over time.

Urges may feel stronger when you:

• argue with someone or experience conflict
• feel rejected, criticised, ignored or ashamed
• remember something painful or upsetting
• feel trapped, out of control or overwhelmed
• feel numb or disconnected 
• have very negative thoughts about yourself
• feel unable to say what you need
• experience sensory overload

There may also be physical signs that an urge is building, such as:

• a racing heart
• feeling sick, shaky or tense
• tightness in your chest, throat or stomach
• breathing more quickly
• feeling hot, cold or restless
• a skin-crawling sensation

You might also notice changes in how you think – becoming more self-critical, withdrawing from people, or feeling very alone.

Noticing these signs can help you pause and think about what might help.

Keeping a self-harm diary

Some people find it helpful to keep a short self-harm diary for a few weeks. 

Writing things down can help you notice patterns, such as:

• when urges happen
• what was happening in the hours or days before the urge
• what you were thinking or feeling
• what you noticed in your body
• where you were and who you were with
• what helped, even slightly
• how you felt afterwards 
• what you might try differently next time, even something small

You do not need to write a lot. A few words or short notes may be enough.

Keeping a diary can help you recognise when urges are starting to build. This may make it easier to try other ways of coping when or if you feel ready.

Self-harm diary

You can download a self-harm diary to help you record your experiences.

Be gentle with yourself

Reflecting on self-harm or difficult experiences can sometimes bring up strong feelings.

If you decide to keep a diary, it can help to plan something soothing afterwards. For example, you could:

• do something calming or familiar
• spend time with someone you trust
• listen to music 
• watch something comforting
• rest or take a break

You do not need to understand everything at once. Even noticing one small pattern is still a positive step. 

Last reviewed: August 2026