If a coursemate, flatmate or friend doesn’t seem themselves, it’s natural to want to help – and to worry about saying the wrong thing.
You don’t need to know exactly what’s wrong or have all the answers. Letting someone know you’ve noticed, listening and staying in touch can make a difference.
In this page:
Starting the conversation
You don’t need a perfect opening. You could simply say something like:
- “You don’t seem quite yourself lately. How are you doing?”
- “I’ve noticed you’ve been having a hard time. Do you want to talk?”
- “I’m around if you want some company.”
Sometimes it’s easier to talk while you’re doing something else – going for a walk, having a coffee, cooking or sitting somewhere you both feel comfortable.
MindWell’s TALKS technique has more advice about how to start a conversation, listen without judgement and explore support together.
Small ways you can help
Try not to feel that you have to fix the problem. Sometimes the most helpful things are quite ordinary:
- listen and let them talk at their own pace
- keep spending time with them rather than making every conversation about how they’re feeling
- check in again after you’ve spoken
- offer practical help, such as making food, going for a walk together or helping them find support
- offer to sit with them while they make an appointment or contact a service.
Ask what would help rather than assuming.
If they don’t want to talk
They may not feel ready to talk, even if you’re sure something is wrong.
Try not to push them. Let them know you’re there if they want to talk later and keep the door open.
You can still show you care by checking in, inviting them to do things and spending time together.
If you’re seriously worried about their safety, however, you don’t have to deal with that concern on your own.
Getting more support
You can encourage them to contact their university or college wellbeing or student support team.
You could offer to:
- help them find the right contact
- look at the options together
- sit with them while they make an appointment
- go with them, if the service allows this and they would find it helpful.
They may also be able to get support through their GP, Leeds Mental Wellbeing Service or community organisations in Leeds.
See Finding student support in Leeds for the different options.
If you’re worried about another student’s wellbeing and aren’t sure what to do, you can also check their university or college website for wellbeing, safeguarding or out-of-hours contacts.
When you’re worried about their safety
If you’re worried someone may be thinking about suicide, it’s OK to ask them directly.
Asking about suicide does not put the idea into someone’s head. It can give them an opportunity to tell you what they’re going through and get support.
If they tell you they’re thinking about suicide, take what they say seriously and help them connect with further support.
See How to help someone in a crisis for step-by-step advice, including signs someone may be in crisis and what you can do.
When to get urgent help
If someone is in immediate danger, call 999 or go to A&E.
If they need urgent mental health help but it’s not an emergency, call NHS 111 and select the mental health option.
You can also visit Need urgent help to find crisis support in Leeds.
Look after yourself too
Supporting someone who’s struggling can affect you too.
Remember that you’re their friend, coursemate or flatmate – you’re not responsible for providing all of their support. It’s OK to:
- set limits on what you can offer
- keep time for your studies, sleep, friendships and other parts of your life
- talk to someone you trust about how you’re feeling
- get support for yourself if you need it.
Sometimes being a good friend means helping someone find support beyond you.
Student Minds also has advice about supporting a friend while looking after yourself.
Last updated: September 2026