People self-harm for lots of different reasons. Everyone’s experience is different, and the reasons can change over time.
What can lead someone to self-harm?
Self-harm can happen at any age, although it often starts when someone is young and still learning how to cope with difficult feelings and life experiences.
The care and support we receive growing up can shape how safe and understood we feel as adults. For some people, self-harm may be linked to things like bullying, trauma, abuse, loss, stress, loneliness or feeling unsupported. For others, it can happen when feelings become overwhelming or hard to put into words.
For some neurodivergent people, including those who are autistic or have ADHD, self-harm can be linked to sensory overwhelm, emotional dysregulation, or difficulty processing intense feelings.
Why someone might self-harm
Self-harm does not usually mean someone wants to end their life. For many people, it is a way of coping with feelings or experiences that feel too difficult to manage in the moment.
Some people say self-harm helps them:
- release strong or overwhelming feelings, including intense excitement
- feel more in control
- cope with emotions like anger, sadness, fear or shame
- feel something when they are numb, bored or disconnected
- express feelings that are hard to put into words
- cope with self-critical thoughts or feelings of guilt
- punish themselves for how they feel, who they are, or things they’ve done
Self-harm can make sense to the person experiencing it, even if other people find it hard to understand.
Why self-harm can feel difficult to stop
Over time, self-harm can become someone’s main way of coping. For a short time, it may bring exactly what was needed – relief, release, a sense of control, or simply feeling something. But the effect rarely lasts.
Afterwards, feelings vary. Some people feel a short sense of calm or release. Others feel shame, guilt, fear or confusion – or feel numb and disconnected.
Because self-harm can bring real, if temporary, relief, the urges often come back. Over time, it can become the main way of getting through difficult moments. This can make the cycle hard to break. Understanding what self-harm does for you can be an important first step. You do not need to have everything figured out before asking for support.
If you self-harm, you are not alone. Many people use self-harm as a way of coping when things feel overwhelming.
Support is available, and over time, many people find safer ways to cope with these feelings.
If you have seriously injured yourself or think you may need urgent medical help, go to A&E or call 999.
Last updated: August 2026